- I am aware of my faults. Very much so. Many I have tried and continue to try to improve upon, but others have rotted, moving from mildly annoying to positively painful, both for me and the ones that I love.
- Take for example my defiant nature. Tell me to do something or face the consequences and I will mentally flip you off and immobilize. I’d probably be giving you my famous fish-face, as well. The words ‘fuck you’ might fly recklessly about the room and I would certainly plot my revenge. This fault literally drove my second husband over the edge. He could not understand why I would not step up to the plate when taunted with cruel comments that implied my lack of competence. Even now I think, “Fuck him.” I believe that my first husband got a kick out of my rebellion initially. He was confident that he could knock it out of me. Wrong. Fuck him, too.
But what to do when you are with someone that you love purely and beyond reason? Someone that you truly want to please. You want to bring joy to his life. He has earned your respect and devotion without demanding it. Defiance has no place here, but still it rears it’s wild head.
It is time to tame the beast. It is time to love and be loved.
Sonnet XVII
Pablo Neruda
|
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved
in secret, between shadow and soul
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where
I love you straightforwardly, without complexity or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. |
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, “thats her”….
-Unknown (Website)
found at http://www.boardofwisdom.com/printquote.asp?msgid=31065
I’m doing better now. 
All will be fine.
We will do this. Possibly not in the proper order, but we will do this. And we will do it with love, faith, patience, forgiveness and understanding.
My God, it’s not as though someone has burned down our barn, stolen our family Bible and kicked the dog!
It’s only $$$. I want to be at this guy’s trial.
image first uploaded at http://www.myspace.com/darfurnow
One of my favorite movies is What Dreams May Come. Kyle has never seen it. We will watch it together in a couple of weeks.
The love between the main characters in the movie is deep, enduring, passionate, respecful, tolerant and faithful. Everything that I have always wanted in a relationship. Everything that I have always had with Kyle, but did not claim as my own until last year.
What Dreams May Come
Oh, and woohoo for me! I hunted down the instructions for up/side/downloading a video and then did it all by myself!
Would I ever leave him?
Never.
Last night he reassured me over and over again.
Today I received the sweetest promise ring.
I love how he loves me.
It is cloudy today. Some would call it downcast or dreary, but for me, on this day, it is calming. Even better, I hear thunder and the wind is kicking! A very strong wind, indeed. Soon the rain will fall.
What a wonderful day to be home with nothing to do but dream and write and love.
Isabella Blue.
What I am I going to do with you?
Two of my precious eight hours of solitude were spent chasing down Elizabeth’s dog and that’s okay with me. Make no mistake, I would have preferred the extra two hours of relaxation, but what’s the point in life if you don’t have people and critters to love, to give up your time and space for, to chase down and bring back home?
This picture was taken ten minutes after she came back inside. Two hours of running like lightning will wear a dog out.
Does he love me?
Answer: Signs point to yes.
I knew it!!!
Yesterday was wonderful! I was blessed to have all five of my children together for Mother’s Day. Pictures were taken, but I’ll have to upload/download/sidewaysload them later.
We went to my mother’s grave. I left a note and a rose for her.
We made a video, sans Rebekah. She had already gone back to Chris’ house.
We watched The Illusionist. It is one of my favorite movies.
We had dinner and cheesecake. I opened my cards and gifts: a beautiful Mother locket, a Chicken Soup book, Pepsi and straws, slippers and Hempz!
Words cannot even come close to expressing the love that I have for my children. And as it is 6 am, there really is no point in me trying! Suffice it to say that they are my world.
